Sadness is indeed, addicting. Turning yourself into a sad state is like entering a safe mode which actually is very dangerous. But like Mark rapped, the danger of 'you' makes me want to dig deeper and deeper. Sadness is like that. I want to drown myself in it, as deep as I can, until it becomes me. And there's always this rejection from my body whenever I feel happy. As if I was born to be sad.
But sad is tiring and dangerous. Sadness will eat your mind, chew chew chew... Sadness kills you because as time goes, it makes you unable to see any lights, you'll become so empty and hopeless. Everything makes you sad and you just don't want to do anything anymore because you think that's useless, you're gonna be sad again anyway. For some people this doesn't make sense, but for some other, including me, it does. You'll have to experience it first, maybe, so you'll understand.
I, thankfully, still function. I'm not very different tho. It's not like I'm medically diagnosed to anything. So I made up so many theories about my condition. In random times I googled stuffs like "Why I don't want to live anymore"; "I don't care about succeeding in life"; etc -- edgy stuffs -- the answers are often related to depression, anxiety, bipolar and things like that. Well, I don't want to self-diagnosed so............................. I remain clueless.
Sometimes I come up with the theory that this is just my weird personality. Like, MBTI online tests said I'm an INFJ, or INFP/INTP/INTJ. All those are described as 'weirdos' who don't fit in the society and have unique point of view. I can act like I'm fine after 'brainwashing' myself with those stuffs BUT again... that doesn't last long and I'll be clueless again in no time, mainly because I start to judge myself for being too obsessed with those 4 letters. "You can't really say who you really are based on online personality test, self!" Ugh~
Other theory is: YOU'RE JUST AN ACTUAL LAZY HUMAN TRASH. Okay... this makes a lot of sense tho. Very rational and has many evidences. But? But I function pretty well at times and people trust me (give me responsibilities, ask for my helps, etc) SO I'm not very trashy, right?
THEN WHY?
Why am I so............................. tired of living?
another theory: you're just a normal human and it's normal for everyone to have bad days, like sometimes you're low... you can't hustle 24/7 with no probs at all. This is just your low days...
NO
NO
LIKE I MEAN...
I'm actually honestly frankly LOW all the times, all days... I don't want to be cool, great, famous, successful. I just want to lay on my bed, watching Youtube and drama, eat, bake, cook, read, write, travel a little, talk with my loved ones... L.I.K.E COME ON~ what for are all these tasks, college stuffs and bla bla bla? None of these will drastically affect my future, won't it? :(((
But sad is tiring and dangerous. Sadness will eat your mind, chew chew chew... Sadness kills you because as time goes, it makes you unable to see any lights, you'll become so empty and hopeless. Everything makes you sad and you just don't want to do anything anymore because you think that's useless, you're gonna be sad again anyway. For some people this doesn't make sense, but for some other, including me, it does. You'll have to experience it first, maybe, so you'll understand.
I, thankfully, still function. I'm not very different tho. It's not like I'm medically diagnosed to anything. So I made up so many theories about my condition. In random times I googled stuffs like "Why I don't want to live anymore"; "I don't care about succeeding in life"; etc -- edgy stuffs -- the answers are often related to depression, anxiety, bipolar and things like that. Well, I don't want to self-diagnosed so............................. I remain clueless.
Sometimes I come up with the theory that this is just my weird personality. Like, MBTI online tests said I'm an INFJ, or INFP/INTP/INTJ. All those are described as 'weirdos' who don't fit in the society and have unique point of view. I can act like I'm fine after 'brainwashing' myself with those stuffs BUT again... that doesn't last long and I'll be clueless again in no time, mainly because I start to judge myself for being too obsessed with those 4 letters. "You can't really say who you really are based on online personality test, self!" Ugh~
Other theory is: YOU'RE JUST AN ACTUAL LAZY HUMAN TRASH. Okay... this makes a lot of sense tho. Very rational and has many evidences. But? But I function pretty well at times and people trust me (give me responsibilities, ask for my helps, etc) SO I'm not very trashy, right?
THEN WHY?
Why am I so............................. tired of living?
another theory: you're just a normal human and it's normal for everyone to have bad days, like sometimes you're low... you can't hustle 24/7 with no probs at all. This is just your low days...
NO
NO
LIKE I MEAN...
I'm actually honestly frankly LOW all the times, all days... I don't want to be cool, great, famous, successful. I just want to lay on my bed, watching Youtube and drama, eat, bake, cook, read, write, travel a little, talk with my loved ones... L.I.K.E COME ON~ what for are all these tasks, college stuffs and bla bla bla? None of these will drastically affect my future, won't it? :(((
