So Tell Me Which Way To Go

Why is everything so... bleak?

Hey, it's been quite long not writing here. But I guess you're my forever safe space, a place I can write whatever without the fears of being judged. I have a difficult day, all I wanna do is sleep but yeah I can't. I took a nap but what I want is 12+ hours of sleep. It's impossible to do at home with my parents there. By the way I hate this blogger's new interface, the fonts are so small. 

I contacted my thesis supervisor this afternoon after gathered all my courage but like he always did, he let me down. He's easy to contact, always fast responding but his responses... are discouraging. I feel like all my prayers, effort to be hopeful again, meditations, and sleepless nights went in vain the second I read his response. Will I ever g r a d u a t e ?

Yesterday I incidentally read mom's chats with sis. She asked her to remind me frequently about my thesis, specifically to contact my supervisor regularly. So I did, but look what happened. He told me to held a fxxxing FGD in the midst of pandemic?! Which just another way to say: wait until the vaccine is found then you can continue your research. Even a field observations are still prohibited by the uni, how the hell I can held a FGD? Yes maybe I can but it really goes against my morals and principles. I'm not Anies Baswedan. 

Moreover, the FGD is needed to gather all the stakeholders to finish their conflicts which... is not the purpose I'm doing my thesis? Like, it's not that I don't care about Pasar Papringan but, who am I to intrude? I don't think I have the right to finish their problems? I just want to finish my study?!?! Not someone else's problems? 

Isn't it LOGICAL, REASONABLE, WISE, COOL, AND  SOLUTIVE to do online research in this kind of situation? Why can't him let me do that? Why is he so unhelpful? Why is he my supervisor? 

Now tell me, which way I should go next... ah, the privilege to have a supportive supervisor :")