Life's been... really really hard. I've cried everyday for more than 3 weeks now. But I'm fine, I cope well. 

I watch Harry Potter for the 1st time in my life, read fanfictions about Draco and Hermione, watch lighter korean dramas instead of the heavy ones, I cry instead of bottle it up inside, I seek out for helps from my friends instead of isolating myself, I also don't hide too much from my family although I badly want to. 

I listen to any kind of music instead of just the sad ones. I eat, I do skincare and even haircare. I work. I work on my thesis. I do so much better than I thought I could that night when she died. 

My beloved dog, Cathy, passed away 3 weeks ago. It was the most heartbreaking, depressing, and any bad words happened in 2020 among all the bad stuffs. I won't talk in details but... it sure changed me. I learned a lot, especially about how strong I am as a human.

I still face breakdowns, suicidal thoughts, self-harm idea, constant self-blaming, blah blah blah but I notice this is so much better than who I was before. Maybe it's slow. Maybe it's not spotlight worthy. But at least, I myself can acknowledge it. I'm 100% conscious about what I experienced. 

All credits are for God though I don't directly come to Him.