The End of Normal Life

I'm having my probably last ever holiday as a normal student (?) and because it is a normal holiday (and the last one, especially) I spend it as normal as possible. I spend it the way I normally spend my holiday:

Sleep late (not because I want to but because I feel bad to sleep earlier when I...) - wake up EXTRA late (can't wake up unless someone scream about FOOD on my door) - being in front of the screens 24/7 (almost literally, so far I'm very close to actually doing it) - eat & drink unhealthy-ly (chips, french fries, fried-everything, chocolates, extra spicy sambals, coffee, sweet tea) - neglecting my responsibilities (final exam take homes, meeting reports, final papers... life... i don't care)

But of course, deep down inside . . . . I'm . . h a u n t e d

"You're going to screw this up if you procrastinate."

"Oh gosh, look how future-less you are, lazy bstrd."

"Lazy pig!"

Anyway... that doesn't motivate me at all. Idk~ idc :) If I don't want to do anything then I really do nothing, no matter how fussy it is inside my brain.

I just have zero willingness to live my life the way it should be I guess... because, what for?